Take it easy: not everything is about you — and that can be liberating

Priscila Z Vendramini Mezzena
4 days ago
3 min read

It seems to be the norm: busy lives that challenge our personal and professional balance — physically and mentally.

Fatigue, lack of energy, lethargy, demotivation. Reports of anxiety, depression, and burnout are becoming increasingly common. At the same time, there is a growing search for more balanced, quality-focused lifestyles.

In theory, we know what can help: self-awareness practices, social connection, psychotherapy, physical activity, relaxation techniques, good sleep, and support networks.

And here lies an interesting paradox: incorporating some of these practices into our routine can, at times, create uneasiness. After all, they also require time, discipline, and often resources.

What if part of this exhaustion doesn’t come only from our commitments and responsibilities, but also from what we carry unnecessarily?

What if, on top of that, we add self-imposed pressures?

The need to meet expectations — often unspoken. The tendency to assume blame that isn’t ours. The constant attempt to find within ourselves the cause of situations that, in reality, we do not control.

In this process, there is a silent mechanism that can intensify this weight: the tendency to place ourselves at the center of certain situations.

The spotlight effect

Psychologist Amy Cuddy, in her remarkable book Presence, explores a cognitive bias known as the spotlight effect — the tendency to overestimate how much others notice our behavior, appearance, or mistakes.

She describes it as “one of the most enduring and widespread egocentric biases.” And, in general, we tend to assume that this attention is negative rather than positive.

But reality is often quite different.

In an experiment described in the chapter on power and powerlessness, a group of students wore eye-catching T-shirts with a specific message and were asked to estimate how many people had noticed them. Their estimate was around 50%. In reality, fewer than 25% had noticed. In another study, with less noticeable T-shirts, the estimate was similar, but only about 10% actually noticed.

In other words, people are far less focused on us than we imagine.

And even in moments when others are truly observing our actions — whether judging us or not — what can we actually do about it?

Are people really paying as much attention as we think?

For many, the discomfort of feeling observed can be difficult to manage or overcome. However, becoming aware of this creates space to redirect our attention to what truly matters.

When we place ourselves at the center of attention, we risk leaving the present moment and entering a mental space dominated by judgment — often a product of our own imagination.

Not everything is about you

Have you ever received a sharp comment, been treated rudely, or experienced an unexpected silence — and immediately thought, “What did I do wrong?”

Or gone through a rejection in a hiring process or competitive situation, even when you met all the qualifications, and immediately started mapping flaws, gaps, and shortcomings?

Of course, reflection is important — as long as it does not lead to self-sabotage. Learning is part of the process.

However, in many cases, these situations say more about the other party than about us.

The other person may be dealing with their own challenges. The organization may have criteria, contexts, or values that are not aligned with ours. Decisions may involve factors that are neither visible nor transparent.

Not everything is personal. Not everything is about you.

And perhaps a significant part of our exhaustion comes precisely from the attempt to make everything personal.